I clean up pretty well.  No one would think of me as a violent person.  I don’t fly off the handle; I don’t cuss at people–even when I’m driving; I don’t ‘rage’.  But…  I know what goes on in my head/heart.  Jesus’ list of defiling actions and attitudes that come from the heart (Mark 7:14-22) included things that I seldom struggle with.  However, I was not happy to see “arrogance” on the list.  I struggle with what my wife has cleverly identified as, “the Ray Way”.  I know best; I have the better ideas; my way is more efficient, more effective; my aesthetics are more refined, more creative.  (Even as I write this, I’m thinking, “I’m pretty dang eloquent!”)  I am a pompous ass.   And in my smug superiority, I dismiss, demean, belittle, berate.  I control, coerce, manipulate, violate.  I am the Pharisee that stands in judgment over the tax collector, thanking God that I’m not like him and submitting my list of spiritual and social credentials as evidence of my superiority.

On this Ash Wednesday, I confess:  O God, be merciful to me a sinner.  Create in my a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Each day during the season of Lent, (starting March 9), I plan to post a brief reflection on what I’ve learned while trying to live without violence.  This week, I attended the 2011 Congress on Urban Ministry sponsored by SCUPE.  The Congress theme was “Peacemaking in a Culture of Violence.”  It was extremely timely and very helpful in my preparation for Lent and my “fast” from violence.  What I realized is that I am often the perpetrator of violence, more often the victim of violence, but most often the unquestioning participant in a culture and system that is bent toward domination, destruction and death.  It is my goal to find the courage to question the culture and extricate myself from it’s expectations and demands while also acting in ways that bend myself toward liberation, love and life.  Honestly, I’m a bit nervous, but I am also excited to take steps on Jesus’ own radical path toward life.